Saturday, June 28, 2008

She will not come to be with us, we will go to be with her...

Olivianna Grace in the presence of JESUS!!!

Today is Friday, June 27th. My precious baby girl has been with Jesus for 3 days now. I miss her beyond words. My heart is numb as I try to make sense of her death. She lived on this earth in the loving arms of her mommy and daddy for 11 minutes and 6 seconds. My brother in law wrote in a card to Luke and I...A friend once told me that "life is short, but it is wide." In just a few precise minutes Olivianna's short life impacted hundreds of people- an impact that will, and is, echoing in eternity. Her life was wide. This is truly what we believe about Olivianna's life. She lived short but touched more lives than most people do in a lifetime. I am thankful that the Lord used me as an instrument of His grace, faithfulness and sovereignty. He used my body to carry Olivianna and love on her for a short time so that His purpose could take place. I do not know even a sliver of the reason why He took Olivianna to be with Him, but I know that He gives me glimpses. He wants me to be more like Him, He longs for true worship and intimacy with Him, He wants others to know Him and His saving power, He wants to use me and He wants me to be used.
And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10
Dear Jesus,
Please help me to look to you during this time of grief.
Please help me to not be swallowed up by the pain of losing Olivianna.
Help me to mourn in a way that brings you glory and honor. Help me to remember her with Joy and a smile on my face. I know that I will have to walk through this time of healing, and that it will be full of tears. Thank you for catching each tear in a bottle.
I love you and love to be used by you.
In your precious name,
your little girl

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Into the world you will come...

WOW...what a whirlwind of emotions. This week has flown by and here I find myself less than two days away from Olivianna's birth day. I feel like I have had so many decisions to make, so many things to line up, so many people to talk to and things to get ready. I realized last night that I don't even remember the breathing techniques for labor. With Adalin, we had just taken la maze and we were very fresh on what to do. I will need to do a quick review tonight and tomorrow!
Today after church we went to lunch with both sets of parents. We had a very nice time. They have been such a blessing to us during the last three months. We are truly grateful for such amazing parents. Thank you mom and dad Grover and Moore. We love you!

I have wanted to write my baby girl a letter for quite some time now...but have not been able to. Tonight my heart longed to....desired to...needed to.....

My sweet sweet baby girl. In two short days you will leave the warmth and comfort of my womb, the only home that you have known, and enter into a cold and hurting world. My arms will be right there to embrace you and keep you warm, for as long as God has you on this earth. We have prayed for you earnestly since the moment we found out that you were a miracle growing inside of me. We have prayed for your body, for your future, for your heart, for what the Lord has planned for your life. God has made you so fearfully and wonderfully, we know that He will use you in mighty ways. Although you don't know this yet, your life has already made such an impact on so many people. You are a testimony of God's faithfulness in our lives. We thank Him that He has chosen us to be your mommy and daddy. What a privilege it is!
As I count down the hours until I meet you face to face, I pray for a miracle in your little body. I pray for healing of your spine and diaphragm, and that you will have supernatural lungs. I pray for the sweet sound of your cry when you are born. I pray that I will see your precious little eyes gazing into mine. I desire life for you. I desire to watch you learn to crawl, to walk, to eat with a fork, drink from a cup, say your first words, learn to give kisses, play with friends, run through the sprinklers, take you to your first day of school, watch you dance, and run and laugh. I desire to lend a shoulder to cry on when you are hurting and give a "high five" and hug when you have accomplished something great. I desire to be an example of a Godly wife and mother, so that one day you will be one too. I desire to watch you walk down the isle on your wedding day, to hold your first precious child and to help you change dirty diapers when you just can't change one more! I desire to pray for you, to love you and be with you during the good and bad times of life. I desire you, my sweet sweet Olivianna Grace. I pray for a miracle.
If God chooses to bring you home with Him on Tuesday, know that I love you with all my heart and that I will always cherish the sweet moments that I have had with you. You have been a blessing to your daddy and I, and we will long to be praising our Lord Jesus Christ forever and ever with you one day soon. Baby girl....ENJOY THE GLORY OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. I WILL PICTURE YOU DANCING AT HIS FEET!!!
I love you sweet heart. You are my precious little angel.
Held in Christ's arms,
your loving mommy

Thursday, June 19, 2008


37 Weeks pregnant....
I feel like I don't have much to type. Emotions are high...sleep level low!!! I am anticipating delivering Olivianna in 5 days. Luke and I are making lots of decisions and praying a lot about the birth of our sweet girl. So many people are praying and calling and emailing. It has been amazing what the Lord has done and is doing. He is so GOOD and so BIG and teaching me SO much!
Last night, Joy Balsbaugh took these pictures for us in my parents back yard. We will always cherish them. They are so very sweet!
I plan on writing a whole lot more tomorrow. Deeper into my feelings, what God is teaching me, how I am doing, my expectations and fears, all that good stuff that I can't think to type out right now because I am so tired.
Until then....
Christ be lifted high!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

"Wait on Me"

I have 7 precious days with sweet Olivianna Grace in my belly.

I went into the doctor last Thursday to be checked for dialation and all that good stuff. I was at 3 1/2 cent. and 75% effaced. Dr. Altman left on Saturday for a camping trip with his son for a week, so Luke and I have been doing our best to not go into labor. I know that the Lord will keep her in my belly until He has appointed her to come out. I trust in His timing.

We made the very difficult decision to induce labor on the 24th, which is next Tuesday. My sister and Mark (and her family) will be in Hawaii that whole week. This was a hard decision to make, but after crying with her on the phone, we decided that for Luke and I, it would be best to have her that day. She will be back for the funeral if we have to have one! With this said.....

I am continuing to pray for a miracle. I keep hearing the holy spirit whisper "wait" into my soul. I ask of the Lord, "what do you mean by WAIT? Am I waiting for a miracle, for her to be healed, for what Lord?" and He reminds me that He has commanded me to wait for His salvation, for His goodness, for His mercy, for His faithfulness, for His hope, for His justice and compassion and love and promises. He is asking me to Have Faith that He is in control.

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. Isaiah 26:8

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Isaiah 30:18

Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. Jude 1:21

Thank you Lord for teaching me to wait on you. For teaching me patience in suffering. For teaching me that in and through you all things are possible. Thank you for an intimacy that I would never have experienced if you weren't taking me through this. Continue to draw me to your heart and the things of your heart. I desire to know you more.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

It has been a week since I posted last. A very long, emotional, and exhausting week! I wish that I could even remember what went on this last week...but all that I can think of is being really tired, not sleeping well, chasing after Adi, being uncomfortable and lots and lots of crying. Lord, sustain me.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Glory Glimpses

My time with the Lord this morning was very sweet.
The last 3 months have been so heavy and emotional, yet I have had such rich times with my saviour. He has revealed himself to me in such an amazing way...through His word, His people, His creation, and His voice that speaks softly to me in the quietness of my soul.

Today He focused my heart on Isaiah 40:28-31. It was almost as if His angels were looking me strate in the face asking my heart this very important question....

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.' SOOOOOOOO Amber Noel Grover..........

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
As I sat meditating on this passage, I asked myself what does this say about my God?
My God is Everlasting, Creator, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient, Powerful, One who gives strength physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and the One who upholds me because of His rigorousness. He will not let me faint, He will not give me more than I can handle (on my own), He will be protecting me under his wings as I trust and wait on Him.

As I pray for a miracle in my sweet baby girls life, I can't help but thank the Lord for the miracle she already is.
My God created Olivianna. He formed her in my womb. He knows every little detail of her being. He placed each hair on her head and each organ in her body. The very glue of her body, the laminin was created by God in the shape of a cross, revealing to His creation that Christ's death on the cross is the glue which binds all life together. He did not make a mistake. He loves her unconditionally and longs for her to praise Him. She will praise Him. She will not be weary. She will not be faint. She will not be troubled in this life. She will be whole and beautiful and wonderful. She is a miracle.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Refiners Fire

I have refined you but not in the way silver is refined. Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering. Isaiah 48:10
An excerpt from The one year book of Hope (by Nancy Guthrie)
In ancient times, a workman would take a piece of ore hewn from the earth, crush it into pieces, and place it in a piece of pottery that he would then thrust into a fire. The refiner carefully tended the fire, knowing just how intense the flame needed to be to soften the ore and cause the impurities to rise to the top so they could be skimmed off, leaving bubbling treasure of molten metal. The refiner was patient, knowing just how long the metal should stay in the fire so that more and more dull impurities would rise to the surface until finally he could look into the liquid silver and see what he had been working for and waiting for-his own reflection.

I, too, am being refined in the fiery crucible of suffering and pain. My Refiner knows just how hot to make the fire so that my impurities will rise to the surface and be lifted away. He desires to remove from my life all that is unfit and impure, transforming me from ordinary ore into a shining treasure. The flames of distress and difficulty are way too hot for my liking, but the refiners fire is not a cause for fear. It burns for my good. The Lord's purpose in plunging me into the fire is to mold me into a vessel that looks and acts like Christ himself.

The only thing that can make what I am going through with Olivianna bearable is for it to result in greater glory to God. That through Olivianna's short life God's glory will shine greater, penetrate deeper and transform the hearts and minds of many of individuals loved and called by God. I pray that I will be radically changed in and through this. That I won't settle any longer for calling myself a "christian." But that I would truly resemble the character of Christ and that my actions will speak much louder than my words. ***My life is an example to many, because YOU have been my strength and protection. Psalm 71:7

Reflections of my day....
Church was very meaningful this morning. It was based on James 4:13-17. Entitled "How do I face an uncertain future?" (Invite God to be a part of your planning process, Live one day at a time, Do something good right now, while you can, set up a plan, stay in the word, step out in faith.)
Luke and I rested this afternoon while Adi was taking a nap!
Our family went for a walk this evening to the park. We took some fun pictures of Adi and Olivianna on the swings! We all had a wonderful time!

I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for dessert (actually for dinner).
I praised the Lord for my family and for refining us in His amazing power.