Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
It has been a challenging week both emotionally and physically. Adi became sick at the end of last week and had fluids coming out both ends! She is not the easiest when she is not feeling well, instead of getting sweet and snuggly...she typically gets cranky and whiny! While Adi is feeling better now, I am stuck with the flu. I started to feel sick on Monday night but knew I needed to be strong for MOPS yesterday mornning. It was literally minutes after our meeting that the achiness and yuckiness fully kicked in. On top of not feeling well, I am in desperate need of more sleep. Please pray that I feel better soon, I have a lot of committments this week that I cannot break.
On the emotional side....I struggled this weekend with acceptance. I continually felt like I was not being a good mom, wife, friend and leader. I struggled accepting myself I guess. So often when this happens, I take my issues out on Luke as if to punish him for my shortcomings and sin. I blame him for not loving me the way I want him to at the moment, blame him for my mothering skills (or lack thereof), blame him for how sucky life sometime feels, blame him for things he has nothing to do with...and absolutely no control of.
This is one reason that I need a savior. I need help controlling my anger and feelings. I need help in the daily living that makes or breaks my witness as a follower of Christ. I need help loving my husband (although he is about the easiest thing in the world to love!!!) the way he deserves to be loved. I need to be redeemed and forgiven each day...Thank you, Jesus!
An additional reason to be emotional....(in a good way though)...
I watched the video of Olivianna's birth for the first time on Monday. Pastor Rick Countryman asked Luke and I to give our testimony at all three services this week of how we have experienced Jehovah Shalom (The Lord is peace) in our lives. I thought that it would be a good idea to go back and remember the day. (Not that I have forgotten any of it at all, but I wanted to see her movement again, hear the words I whispered to her, experience the peace that Christ truly brought to us that day.) She was so beautiful and angelic.
Tears fell the rest of the afternoon as I hugged Adi a little tighter, wishing that I could hug my Olivianna too.
One year ago this week we jumped on our bed and cried over new life growing inside of me.
Three months ago today we sat in that hopital room and cried over her death.
So much healing has been going on in my heart and I praise the Lord for it.
Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again REJOICE! (Phil 4:4)
Whether in life or death, I am called to Rejoice....and that is what I choose to do!
Adi and I rejoicing!!!
This is the sweetness that happens when you let a 23 month old dress herself!
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassion never fails. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
Monday, September 22, 2008
This last week I had the opportunity to take some photos of Dora and Brian. They are due in early October and are so very excited for their bundle of joy to arrive!
See more pics on agrover picture blog (on the sidebar)
Monday, September 15, 2008
I spent Saturday and Sunday with my dad at a Nikon Photography conference in Foster City. It was an amazing two days of learning, meeting people and inspirational photographs. I definitely walked away with a greater desire to push myself in my passion of photography. I want to be more intentional about my subjects, adding my own perspective and creativity to what I shoot. The seminar also made me realize how much I need to learn technique and forethought in my photography.
This morning I woke up and had an itch to capture precious moments. What better a subject than Adalin Rose! I know that I use her as my subject a lot, but I just can't help it... She is stinken cute and animated! We hopped out the door at around 8:15 and headed toward the hills. We ended up in Knights Ferry and had a great time hiking, looking for lizards, peeking under rocks, racing across the covered bridge, and finished our little adventure eating fishies with our feet in the river! Everything was a golden amber color, it was beautiful!
Here are a couple photographs I shot this morning. My goal this morning was to shoot only in manual (no automatic). This was tricky for me because I have started to rely so much on auto settings. These are not the best....but they were fun to take!
The holy spirit braugth me back to a scripture this morning that really absorbed into my soul. Isaiah 40: 28-31
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Last night Luke and I were laying in bed talking when suddenly emotion completely flooded both of our hearts. Why is Olivianna gone? Why did she have to be the one in 2500 to have CDH? Why did she have to have several abnormalities? Why can't we hold both of our daughters at the same time? Why WHY...WHY...WHY????
These questions make us weak.....
But these verses fill us with endless hope, because He is the creator of the universe...He does not grow weary or tired...He renews our strength when we trust in Him....and He knows the answers to our "whys"...and I believe it is to make us more like Him.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Praise the Lord.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Black sand beach
The seven sacred pools (The road to Hana)