My eyes wait for Christ. My heart trusts in Him. I can not do this alone, He is my rock and my salvation. On Tuesday, I found out that my cousin is pregnant again. Today I found out that one of my best friends (Corinne) is pregnant, that another good friend (Kori H) is pregnant, that our friend Charlene and Daniel are having another girl, and as I type this, Luke's cousin (Rebecca Rumble) is in labor with a little girl. All of this information has made my heart a little heavy. I am so excited for each of them. I pray that they have healthy beautiful babies. I just wish that my baby girl would be healthy too. I yearn for that. I diligently pray for a miracle and for God's healing touch to her body. I desire to hold her...to change her diapers....to wake up in the middle of the night to feed her...to rock her and sing to her.

I take comfort knowing that my gracious father in heaven knows my desires and cares about them. He will not let my suffering go to waste. He will use it for His glory and His purpose.
Thank you Jesus.

When Luke came home tonight he was so loving and kind to me. He is so tender. So compassionate. So comforting. We were talking about all of the new pregnancies and I made a comment like "What is the Lord doing to me?" Luke commented back..."He is doing amazing things. He knows that you are an amazing person. I am learning more each day how amazing you are!" I praise you Jesus for a husband who is not only handsome, but my lover, companion and best friend.

To finish today's post...My splash of happiness!!!

Adalin, Olivianna and I spent most of the afternoon playing outside. We swam, played on the kangaroo climber, watered the garden, read some books, and finished with a warm bath. I took the opportunity to take some sweet pics of big sister Adi! Her smile is so infectious!

A new toy!!!

Today's splash of happiness came in a wrapped box from my daddy!
My parents had Luke and I over for dinner (Yummy steak, potatoes, salad and bread)and dessert (brownies with ice cream!!!). When we were just about done with dinner, my dad said "Amber, will you go get me the bag that is next to the hutch?" When I picked up the bag, I saw a note inside that said "For BO."
Yeah...a present for me!!! To my surprise, it was a beautiful Nikon D40 camera! I have been wanting one of these for a very long time. The card read: Because you have a gift- why wait for a birthday date to come to enjoy the gift we want for you. This is an early birthday present (It's only part of your gift, you'll have to wait for November for the rest!) Happy early birthday! Love dad and mom Moore.
Wowsers....Happy early birthday to me... and thank you mom and dad for the amazing and very generous gift. I love you guys!

I had another doctors appt this morning. We decided that I will wait until Heather is home from Hawaii (the 30th of June) to be induced. One month to go!!!!

Splashes of happiness

I have decided that for the next month, until the birth of my precious Olivianna Grace, I will blog a splash of happiness a day. This could be a captured moment, a whisper from my savior, a profound thought, or just something that made me smile that day. I pray that the Lord will show me His glory in special ways as I keep my eyes on Him.

Tonight I met with my friend Christine Curry. She is momma to 3 beautiful children and one glorious angel. We sat for over 3 1/2 hours sharing stories and getting to know the intimate details of each others lives. What a precious time it was. Her daughter Charlotte, who passed away on Dec. 7th 2006, is worshipping at the feet of Christ almighty. I could not help but smile knowing that my sweet Olivianna will be doing the same. It is amazing how such a small life can be used so immensly by God. Thank you Jesus.

Today my spalsh of happiness was my daughter Adalin Rose's photoshoot. Adi brings Luke and I so much joy, we praise the Lord for her. Her contagious smile, serious eyes and silly personality is just a reminder to me the abundant life we have in Christ Jesus.

"You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." Job 10:12

Thank you Jesus!!!

It has been 2 months today since our lives were radically shaken upside down. I am praying for a miracle.

Do you trust in ME???

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct your paths.(Proverbs 3:5,6)
The last two or so days have been very emotional ( I know I say that on every post!)
It all started when Connie ran into Marcella Murphy at Lowe's on Wed evening. (Marcella and Fred Murphy used to attend BVG. She is a pediatrician, and he is a neonatologist) She hadn't seen her in years, and in catching up told her our story. Yesterday afternoon Connie called me to let me know that Dr. Murphy had been told our story by his wife and had many concerns and questions about the situation. They talked for a while, and Dr. Murphy asked for my phone number. He insisted that he have it right away, and was called into an emergency and therefore had to get off of the phone abruptly. Last night, I received a phone call from Fred. For over 30 minutes he explained to me why he was so concerned. He told me that he has delivered over 100 babies with CDH (different severity's) and the majority of them have lived. He told me that he has called and talked to Dr. Altman, Dr. Johnson and the doctors at UCSF that I saw regarding my situation. He explained that UCSF told him that they have only seen 5 cases ever at the hospital where the baby had CDH and a spinal abnormality (bony hourglass blockage that pinches the spinal chord). All 5 of the babies did not live. Dr. Murphy went on to tell me that he does not want to give me false hope, but that even if there is a 1% chance of survival for Olivianna, that I need to take it. He told me very clearly (at least 5 times)..."Amber, do not deliver Olivianna in Modesto." He explained that if I did, and it looked as if there was something that could be done, he would have to stabilize her, and put her in the helicopter to go to UCSF or Stanford hospital. He does not want to have to separate us. He does not want me to be without Olivianna and Luke.
We continued to talk for a while about different cases that he has seen, babies that were told they had no chance of survival and lived. He was very matter of fact and repeated himself over and over the things that he wanted me to hear. We ended the conversation by deciding that Luke and I would meet him next week to go over further information and to talk about options. The phone call was over.
I was so emotional....crying most of the time on the phone.
Luke and I lay in bed last night...with a million thoughts going through our heads. Mainly...is there hope? Was Dr. Murphy a messenger of you? What are you doing here Lord? What if we make the wrong decision? How much medical intervention is too much? Will she live? and on and on and on......
Needless to say, I didn't sleep much last night!
I spent today gardening, playing with Adi and enjoying time alone with the Lord. I am learning that trusting in the Lord means taking the next step, even when you can't see the ground below. I am learning that God is bigger than my circumstances...that His purpose WILL be fulfilled in both Luke and my, as well as Olivianna's life... as long as we submit ourselves to Him. He calls us to carry our cross...my flesh wants it to be light and easy, but when I look at what Christ went through to accomplish His father's will, I am quickly reminded that He has a purpose in all things, He asks us to TRUST in him.
He is asking me that this evening....
Amber, Do you trust in ME???

Cost me so much....

The last two weeks have again been very emotional. Amy and Rob Powell had their second child, Karlie Sue, on the 24th of April. She is healthy and beautiful. Cesalie and Brian Bunch had their second daughter, Pearl, on Sat. May 3rd. She is healthy and beautiful.
I am so excited for new life. It just hurts.
I have been praying all along that I will not be jealous of, or angry at, or distant from my cousins and friends that are having babies. The Lord has been faithful. It does nonetheless remind me of the situation that has and will forever change my life. I long for my Olivianna to live. I feel her moving inside of me each day and pray that I will be able to experience her moving around in my arms outside of the womb. Lord, make her lungs.
Please, I cry out to you...make her lungs. Make her a diaphragm. Make her healthy.
But even if you do not...I will still praise you and bow down before your holy thrown. For you alone are awesome and great and faithful in every situation.
I thank you Lord for bringing my heart back to you. The distance I felt for those 2 years were so hard on my soul. My bones were so dry...and like you did with the Israelites, you breathed life into them and made them dance again. I know right now that it is hard to find it in me to dance...but you promise me that one day, I will go out in the streets again and dance with tambourines and singing. I will dance one day with my sweet Olivianna in the streets of heaven, bowing down to your feet singing "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."
Praise Jesus.
This week we also called wood colony to find out about burial plots, and if Olivianna could be buried in the cemetery there. Luke took care of this for us, and is bearing the weight of the planning. He knows my heart can not handle it.
I am 26 years old.
Lord, what are you purposing in me that has to cost me so much?

Be truly glad

Be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold-and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. 1 Peter 1:6-7

It is in the midst of suffering, when we choose to trust instead of fear, that we reveal genuince faith. To accept rather than complain. To forgive rather than seek revenge. To choose humility insteadof proving we were right. The curtain is pulled back and we have the opportunity for our faith to be proved genuine. (Nancy Guthrie: one year book of Hope)

Help me Lord to trust in you during this time of testing.

This will turn out for my deliverance

This week has been a very difficult week. Some elders and pastors came over on Wed evening, along with our parents and siblings, to pray over our family and home. Rick Thompson anointed Luke and I with oil... (ultimately anointing Olivianna) through us. This was a very emotional and sweet time for us. Once again, the Lord spoke Isaiah 41:10 to us. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. It has been amazing that the Lord has spoken that verse to us over and over. This verse has been an encouragement to us regarding Olivianna and our house shooting. DO NOT FEAR he commands of us. Thank you Jesus!
On Thursday afternoon Luke and I (as well as both grandmas and Jill) were privileged to experience Womb with a View. We received a gift certificate for Easter from aunt/uncle Chripczuk and mom/dad Moore for a complete package (which includes 20 minute video, CD, and lots of pics). We didn't voice this, but we all sat there watching in awe of God's creation. Olivianna is so incredibly beautiful. At first her little arm was covering her face and she was being shy. After about 10 minutes, she turned and looked straight at her mommy and daddy. She stuck out her tongue, smiled, made a fussy face, sucked on her arm, danced a bit, put her foot in her face and motioned "talk to the hand mom!" It was amazing. I was afraid to ask the questions that I knew could cause me pain....but I decided that this could be my only chance to see her sweet body moving around in peace. I asked the ultrasound tech if she could tell that Olivianna had CDH. She pointed out to us that Olivianna's neck was very thick and that her chest looked very muscular and puffed out. I became very quiet after she told us that. My thoughts were "how could her face be so perfect, and something be so wrong with her body?" When I am honest with myself, I felt let down that God had not healed her the night before (or any other day/night that I have prayed so passionately for healing). The Lord gently reminded me that Olivianna is fearfully and wonderfully made. Her body is not hidden from Him. He is knitting her together in my womb for His glory...not for my happiness. Luke and I are so blessed to have her as a daughter. The Lord trusts us with his child AND with this pain in life. I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 1 Tim 1:12. Thank you Jesus!!!
On Friday evening Adi and I went to baby Drew's baby shower. This too was very difficult for me. My prayer has been to not be jealous that my friends and family are having healthy babies...and to be able to deal appropriately with my emotions as there precious lives are brought into this world. To be excited for them...because God is sovereign and He loves ALL His children.
Again I say...."Thank you Jesus!"