Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct your paths.(Proverbs 3:5,6)
The last two or so days have been very emotional ( I know I say that on every post!)
It all started when Connie ran into Marcella Murphy at Lowe's on Wed evening. (Marcella and Fred Murphy used to attend BVG. She is a pediatrician, and he is a neonatologist) She hadn't seen her in years, and in catching up told her our story. Yesterday afternoon Connie called me to let me know that Dr. Murphy had been told our story by his wife and had many concerns and questions about the situation. They talked for a while, and Dr. Murphy asked for my phone number. He insisted that he have it right away, and was called into an emergency and therefore had to get off of the phone abruptly. Last night, I received a phone call from Fred. For over 30 minutes he explained to me why he was so concerned. He told me that he has delivered over 100 babies with CDH (different severity's) and the majority of them have lived. He told me that he has called and talked to Dr. Altman, Dr. Johnson and the doctors at UCSF that I saw regarding my situation. He explained that UCSF told him that they have only seen 5 cases ever at the hospital where the baby had CDH and a spinal abnormality (bony hourglass blockage that pinches the spinal chord). All 5 of the babies did not live. Dr. Murphy went on to tell me that he does not want to give me false hope, but that even if there is a 1% chance of survival for Olivianna, that I need to take it. He told me very clearly (at least 5 times)..."Amber, do not deliver Olivianna in Modesto." He explained that if I did, and it looked as if there was something that could be done, he would have to stabilize her, and put her in the helicopter to go to UCSF or Stanford hospital. He does not want to have to separate us. He does not want me to be without Olivianna and Luke.
We continued to talk for a while about different cases that he has seen, babies that were told they had no chance of survival and lived. He was very matter of fact and repeated himself over and over the things that he wanted me to hear. We ended the conversation by deciding that Luke and I would meet him next week to go over further information and to talk about options. The phone call was over.
I was so emotional....crying most of the time on the phone.
Luke and I lay in bed last night...with a million thoughts going through our heads. Mainly...is there hope? Was Dr. Murphy a messenger of you? What are you doing here Lord? What if we make the wrong decision? How much medical intervention is too much? Will she live? and on and on and on......
Needless to say, I didn't sleep much last night!
I spent today gardening, playing with Adi and enjoying time alone with the Lord. I am learning that trusting in the Lord means taking the next step, even when you can't see the ground below. I am learning that God is bigger than my circumstances...that His purpose WILL be fulfilled in both Luke and my, as well as Olivianna's life... as long as we submit ourselves to Him. He calls us to carry our cross...my flesh wants it to be light and easy, but when I look at what Christ went through to accomplish His father's will, I am quickly reminded that He has a purpose in all things, He asks us to TRUST in him.
He is asking me that this evening....
Amber, Do you trust in ME???
To finish 
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