Monday, November 16, 2009

I have fallen prey to the lie that being busy is being beneficial and fruitful. My life keeps racing by at warped speed stealing all energy and joy from my existence. Exhaustion and stress set in. My relationships suffer. My home suffers. My health suffers. My soul suffers.
How do I get out? How do I "come to me, all who are weary and heavy burdened?" What does an "easy yoke" even look like? How do I learn to be a branch and not a self sustaining vine? How? why? when? Please. Lord. help. me. NOW.

In The too-busy book, Linda Anderson writes, ""We enter the second, exhilarating lap of our lives, running headlong and happily past the mile markers of career, ministry, marriage, and children--adding as we go along. It works for a while. Time passes. Now we sprint, gasping for air, and juggling as we run. Obstacles pop up, and vicious winds threaten to send us spinning off the track. We ache with our efforts to run on dissipating fuel. Our bodies stretch and bend past capacity. Our breathing is heavy and labored. We don't give up, but everything starts to hurt more. And we don't notice scenery along the way. Joy fades. Our flagging energy focuses solely on the race, but we keep the pace, retaining the lead outwardly but slipping inside. We're winded, stressed, and losing track of why we're running the first place, and why we're running alone."

There has been a discomfort and uneasiness in my life for the last few months that I have wrestled and wrestled with. It began when God met me in the quiet and whispered into my soul that I am not on the path that He has for me. At the time, I probably whispered back "okay God, then show me," said "amen" and walked right back into the insanity like I had never heard a thing. But over the months the whisper has turned into a shout and what I once considered normal and livable no longer satisfies. God is calling for radical change to take place.

I am learning that sometimes the path that we are on is not far off from what God has for us. Sometimes we are merely steps from the path, walking through the weeds and the brush instead of the smooth and cleared pathway that He so graciously designed for our lives. I so desperately want that peace of knowing that I am where He wants me....but that peace will only come through my obedience to move directions.

And so here I am. After a crazy morning running around town. A crazy afternoon with a very constipated and uncomfortable 3 year old. After a crazy evening trying to straighten up my house and get Adi into bed for the 9th time. And a crazy emotional breakdown in front of her on her bedroom floor....I am surrendering. I am BEGGING God for change. I am pleading with Him to stop the insanity of my soul. Because I can't do it any longer.

I can't stand that I don't just sit and play with Adi for a good chunk of the day. It bothers me that my agenda is always filled up, even if it is just "stuff" to do around the house....because that seems to be never ending. I dislike the feeling of impatience when Adi is simply getting into the car, or washing her hands after the restroom, or enjoying her food. I get all pushed out of shape, like the world is waiting for me to save it or something. All I really need to be doing is focusing on my relationship with Jesus, my relationship with Luke, my relationship with my girls, and asking Christ daily what His agenda is for me.

Change. It is a scary thing, but Oh so necessary in our lives at times. I will learn to trust in Christ as He continues to mold me and make me more like Him. I will hold on tight through the journey of rerouting and recovering. I will REST in the manna given to me today. For He is faithful.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. it does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:29-30

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. Psalm 23:1-2

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6


Soph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Soph said...

I so love you for sharing this... I find a sort of comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this... I too, fill my day with things less important then time with my family & more importantly with God. I struggle constantly with the time I spend on the other kids & not on my own when in reality the free time I do have I don't give them because I am doing some non sense things. Pray for me, I'll pray for you :O)


I am SO in the same place. I feel God's call to something so different, but I stay in the old familiar place of business and hurried life..not taking the time to enjoy my children...losing another day to my selfishness. Praying for God to help us see the path and then MOVE TO IT.

Aly sun said...

I am new to your blog, but love your photography now that I am here. I am also inspired by your words -- a common feeling among us hard working and busy moms. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

RosyRose said...

Hi So nice to meet you! I'm Rose and I found you on the cw site. I love what you have to say about busyness....It's easy to equate busy with fulfilled but it often leads to the opposite!
I'll be back!!!
Merry Christmas!